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March 31, 2012 / Daniel

Somebody’s in the Loo

[336 words, rated PG]

*knock knock*

Mr. Kurtis Dunbar gets up off the sofa, tearing himself away from NASCAR time trials on his very large television (his wife Alexis was away, you see), and walks his socked feet to the front door. He looks through the peephole and sees nothing, begins to walk back to the sofa.


He returns to the door and opens it briskly, expecting to yell at some neighborhood child for pranking on his doorstep.


A very long, very dark bumpy green form charges into his doorway across the floor.

“….THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL!” Kurtis sprawls without aim or skill, hurling his own body for the kitchen table top just to his right, crouching on a placemat, ready to… do something.

The alligator webbed-hand-slapped a bellycrawl through the Dunbar foyer, and over to the edge of the carpet. He turned back to look at Mr. Dunbar, crouched and ready, on the table. The alligator slowly opened its very long jaws.

“hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHhhh” it exhaled, then slowly closed its mouth again. It looked at the television. “NASCAR!” it croaked, “Brilliant!”

“……” Mr. Dunbar crouched.

“Got any drinks? I’m flippin’ parched.” The alligator horsed its request, shuffling side to side in that alligator way, making its way further into the Dunbar home, looking for the loo.

Mr. Dunbar crouched and listened.

Splashy slurpy noises could be heard coming from the direction of the toilet.

Mr. Dunbar’s crouching culminated into a quick burst into action, as he tumbled to the floor and ran as fast as he possibly could out the front door, and down the street.

“Dunbar!?” yelled the alligator. “Dunbar! Where’ve you gotten to, man? Have you any chicken? I LOVE CHICKEN!” it coughed and wheezed a bit, having over-exerted its voice, and crawled back into the living room from the back of the home, looking around for his absent host. “Typical.”

Two blurs with pointy ears and calico tails darted across furniture and bounded out of the open door.

Mrs. Dunbar’s car pulled up out front.

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